Saturday, January 21, 2006

Boiling Point

Yeah, I reached it this week. Long story. Not of interest, but you know you've had a bad week when trying to choose microwave popcorn at Walmart makes you want to kick over the Orville Redenbacher display.

It's not that I can't choose between Orville, Paul Newman, Pop Secret or Act 2 (which is a really stupid name because nobody I know waits until Act 2 to eat their popcorn), but standing there staring at all the boxes of butter, extra butter, movie butter, extra movie butter, sweet 'n buttery, salt free, fat free, white 'n fluffy, cinammon, caramel, carb friendly, kettle korn, family packs, snack packs and single serve suddenly made me miss decision-free Jiffy Pop, (which they do still make but I never can seem to find).

I don't want to be bombarded with decisions on a Saturday. I just want to buy my popcorn and leave. That's my motive. No complex internal turmoil. No setup. No payoff. No dialogue. Don't make me choose a popcorn and figure out which one will give me more ounces of popcorn per each of my hard earned dollars . Don't make me evaluate which checkout line is the shortest. Don't make me count my items (which was about eleven different kinds of popcorn). Don't make me decide between paper and plastic. Just give me some stinkin' popcorn and let me go home and watch my latest DVD. It's that simple!

I was trying to decide between a medium regular line and a short self check when it hit me. This whole complex popcorn thing is a conspiracy orchestrated by the movie industry to drive people back into theatres where they don't have to make popcorn related decisions. Yup. That's it. Big name production companies are secretly funding popcorn research and creating so many varieties of popcorn with so many sizes of bags and boxes that they're going to bankrupt the popcorn eating public into returning to the box office.

Ha! Well, it wasn't going to work on me! I was onto them. I am entirely too sane to fall into their trap. So, I left my eleven boxes of popcorn on the conveyer belt, bid the checkout guy a good day and stormed out of the store.

Ha! I showed them. I sure did . . . yesiree, Bob. . . yeah . . . I won.

Hey, um . . . did I mention that there is a brand new movie theatre right by my Walmart? No? Well, did I mention that you can smell the popcorn as you're storming out the store and that tickets are only four dollars and popcorn is $1.50 for all you can eat so if you see more than one movie you can fill your bag up over and over all day long? And, did I mention that there's an unsecure wireless internet connection that you can use to post your blog while you're waiting for the movie to start?

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