Sunday, May 28, 2006

I Really Don't Know

As flattered as I am to be mistakenly identified as somebody who knows something, my musings about screenwriting are purely unqualified perspective and conjecture. Really. I don't know anything. Even though I love it that people link their blogs to this one and I appreciate most of the email, nothing I say about screenwriting should be interpreted as "knowledge". Nothing.

Whew. That's a load off. Glad we had this little chat.

There are other things I don't know, too, and maybe somebody can enlighten me on a few of them.

I don't know why my skin care system has a very large bottle that says "apply sparingly" and a very small bottle that says "apply liberally". I don't know if Justin Timberlake and Richard Nixon are my very distant cousins or why women wear thongs. I don't know why my truck alarm goes off every time I play my Pasty Cline CD or why my television comes on by itself every Sunday night at precisely 10:00 p.m. I don't know why Smurfs went off the air or why I can't find a portable stereo with an equalizer that is not pre-programmed and I don't know why, even though I've never watched Baywatch or Knight Rider, all of a sudden, I am seeing David Hasselhoff everywhere.

After Taylor Hicks was crowned Mr. American Idol, in a weird, pseudo-real moment, the cameras froze on David Hasselhoff as he was shedding tears. Yeah. He was crying. Acck!

Defamer said Hasselhoff was "spilling the unselfconscious tears of one who realizes he's witnessing the birth of another music career that will only be properly appreciated in Germany." Wish I'd said that. Instead, I dismissed his creepy weepies as tears brought on by onion paper confetti and switched over to the nail biting Mavs/Spurs game.

Speaking of Mavs, they're making a habit of last quarter hand wringers. I was watching them beat the Suns Friday night and hoping they didn't give the game away in the final seconds when, to my wondering eyes, what did appear right there at the Mavs game? David Hasselhoff!

Now, I don't want to accuse Hasselhoff of crying again but he WAS very red faced and ducking behind his hot dog every time the Mavs fell behind and I don't think it was for a mustard relish facial.

The circulated story says that Dirk Nowitzki confessed to humming this Hasselhoff song when he's shooting pressure free throws because the song was a huge hit when Dirk was a kid in Germany. Apparently, that's all Hasselhoff needed to suddenly become a Mavs fan.

Yesterday, I saw Hasselhoff in a Click trailer and, of all things, my little niece's SpongeBob Square Pants movie where, instead of telling SpongeBob to click his heels and say "there's no place like home", Hasselhoff tightens his pects and squeezes until the sponge pops free and torpedoes through the water back to Bikini Bottom.

It was probably funny. But I had an eerie IT thing going on like when that macabre clown, played by Tim Curry, kept showing up in peculiar places. Hasselhoff just appears in unexpected places. Of course, IT is a Stephen King movie so even though you DON'T expect to see a blood thirsty clown, you DO expect to see a blood thirsty clown.

But Hasselhoff? Who expects to see David Hasselhoff? I don't know. I really don't know. But, Mavs play at seven.


oneslackmartian said...

I bet if you were making your own movie, you could get D.H. to star in it for, like, 200 bucks if you hum one of his songs when you ask.

Anonymous said...

why do women wear thongs?.... because they can (smiles)

MaryAn Batchellor said...

That would require listening to and learning one of his songs -- (which I didn't even know exists until the comment by Dirk)