Counting Down

Today is July 12th and I just realized that Nicholl letters go out in less than three weeks. Wow. Time flies when you aren't obsessing!

Nothing To Do With Screenwriting

But hey, it's my blog so here's a video recorded by my nephew, Jude. Forgive the production value. He's eight years old. What's important here is (1) Jude is a future filmmaker and (2) my brother is a talented writer and performer.

Daring to Disbelieve

One of the latest posted Nicholl review comments:

“This is a simple story, fast-paced, entertaining, and a good read. The writer is capable and assured. Even when the story takes a loopy turn (or two), the writer presents these events so confidently and matter-of-factly that it's almost like he's daring us to doubt what we're being told.”

What I love is that this remark speaks of a writing style I particularly admire. This is a writer who knows his story so well that he simply watches it in his head and dictates that onto paper. He knows his characters. He knows their back stories. He's telling us just enough but if you asked, he could elaborate. There's just no need to. He doesn't worry about suspending disbelief or flowery prose because the story is what it is. He's not making it up as he goes along. It's a "this is my story and I'm sticking to it" style of writing. Wish I could read this screenplay!

A Level of Suckage That's Not Negotiable

Creative Screenwriting's podcast this week is with Jay and Mark Duplass about Cyrus. Funny stuff. Give it a listen. The best remarks are about the evolution of their creativity. My favorite line: a level of suckage that's not negotiable. Ha! That's what I think when I read things I wrote two and three years ago. Also, digital versions of Creative Screenwriting are now available. That's a temporary link until they get a permanent place.

Will the Real N1 Writer Please Stand Up?

New this year is the Facebook page for the Nicholl Fellowship in Screenwriting where we, entrants, are given access to a few reader comments. More than ever, the Nicholl folks are helping writers understand the fellowship selection process and answering our questions -- even those already answered on the Nicholl Fellowship in Screenwriting FAQ page.

The readers' comments are interesting and give us a little window of insight. This one likes strong prose while that one likes that a script isn't overwritten. One applauds how the writer forces the reader to feel something while another is impressed by the sharp dialogue.

Enlightening.

The replies to those posts, though, are usually the same: declarations of ownership. It reminds me of the people at ball games who watch for themselves on the jumbo tron and wave just in case. Out of 6000 plus screenplays, only 45-ish remarks are up so far and quarterfinal letters go out in about 40 days. Do the math.

Tell Me Something Good

I've often been told by other writers that the prevailing theme will reveal itself as the story progresses . Admittedly, I don't like to write unless I have something to say. Now and then that "something" will reproduce and give me a secondary "something" or morph into "something" entirely different. It may even experience a sort of thematic mitosis where the parent "something" splits into two equally important "something"s and I'm left deciding whether both "something"s are still a single story or two --- which is why I don't really believe that much in writer's block. There are just way too many "something"s duking it out in my head. And I'm terribly sorry but right now, the something is this:

A Diamond Lasts Forever

Old films make me smile and even though film making has evolved, many old movies endure and are current despite the passage of time.

Case in point: Mildred Pierce starring Joan Crawford. So somebody uses a rotary phone instead of a cell phone. Big deal. The situational conflicts are timeless. Mildred indulges her spoiled child to the point of excess and then ultimately, destruction. I see parents every day over-indulging disrespectful unappreciative kids. I know a lady who can't pay her utilities but her 12 year old daughter gets her hair colored and cut, her nails done, and her eyebrows waxed every month. Just yesterday, the parents spent their grocery money to get the girl her third new cell phone since Christmas. "What am I supposed to do?" asked the mother, "It wasn't her fault somebody spilled a drink on her phone and she's got to be able to call me because we can't afford a house phone."

On the flip side, when I was watching The Damned Don't Cry, another Joan Crawford film, I was struck by the opposite. The film doesn't translate today and it's not the lack of 3D or CGI. The gold digging seducer is unconvincing and the gangster element is even less believable for today's audience. I am unable to overlook the dated cars, guns, and phones the way I do in films like Mildred Pierce, Sunset Boulevard, and All About Eve. Everything about The Damned Don't Cry has me stuck in 1950 and the dialogue bounces between stale and on-the-nose to somebody-please-make-it-stop. The bloodless acrobatic shootings don't even render a bullet hole and remind me of Bugs Bunny saying "you got me, Doc, you got me." Part of my reaction may have been brought about by my recent viewing of Johnny Depp's Public Enemies. In fairness, there is no comparison. But the point is that The Damned Don't Cry was probably a great film in its day. Today is no longer that day.

A lot has changed in 60 years. But, a lot has not. Those films that capture the "a lot has not" are timeless and have eternal themes. They are the ones that have sipped from the cinematic fountain of youth.

Can You Drive My Car?

Perhaps it was the reports of the death of Mystery Man on Film, I don't really know, but whatever the reason, I got a bee in my bonnet and decided to start reading more screenplays from aspiring screenwriters. Zoetrope and Triggerstreet are places I don't frequent much but they're a good place to go read what other wannabes are writing. I usually take the time to read the screenplays people email me (heh, as if I know anything) but I thought I'd take it a step further. So, I looked at some scripts being "workshopped".

O. M. G.

About 99 % of my time and oxygen would have been better spent teaching my dog how to use a stick shift. He already believes he's the one driving the car anyway. He sits on the arm rest, looks over the windshield, observes passersby and barks at anything red: stop signs, cars, school uniforms. The only time he takes his eyes off the road is to lick himself.

But I digress.

There are, of course, a few gems worth reading and those exceptions are why the goal of the Nicholl Fellowship is to identify and nurture the screenwriting skills of talented writers. But most of us need a reality check. So here it is. Most wannabe screenwriters:

• Cannot write a complete sentence
• Have no storytelling skills
• Don't understand screenplay structures
• Wouldn't know a theme if it was tattooed on their butts
• Have a better chance at winning American Idol than being produced
• Don't have a decent command of the English language
• Have no idea what's behind the door they're knocking on
• Think all pronouns are possessive
• Actually want fame instead of a writing career
• Do not know the difference between "effect" and "affect"
• Are under the mistaken impression that screenwriters get wealthy
• Have never heard of a misplaced modifier or split infinitive
• Believe that they are the exception to every bullet on this list
  

Here's the brutal truth. Most of us can't write. I'm sorry but it's true. If screenwriting is a hobby, have fun. But stop whining about not getting produced. Most of us have no business even attempting to write screenplays and quite frankly, the movie industry doesn't want us right now anyway. The only films being distributed right now are proven commodities, sequels, prequels, re-do's, CGI's and those distributions necessitated by nepotism.

We think because we can use screenwriting software or self publish, that makes us writers. It does not. It makes us people using screenwriting software and self publishing. We think because we go to film festivals and shake hands with produced screenwriters and film executives that they are now our friends. They are not. They are people who shook a few hands. We think because a few indie producers are polite to us or we advanced in an obscure screenwriting competition run out of somebody's garage that we have a shot at making real industry contacts. We do not. We are people that found a sympathetic ear or a hungry wallet.

Wake up, schmuck. You are not a writer.

If you are the exception to those bullets, good for you. If you are not -- and make no mistake about it, most of us are not -- stop throwing your money away on gurus, books, online gimmicks and contests. You may learn formatting and structure but nobody can teach you creativity. Nobody can make you something you are not naturally inclined to be.

I'm sorry. I really am. But this is the truth. You can't write. Have you already given five or ten years of genuine effort to screenwriting with no results? Then get out. Find something fun or meaningful and go after it.

Life is short. There is more to it than screenwriting UNLESS you know know know know know that you're the exception. But remember this: my dog knows he's the one driving my car.

P.S. -- about 53-ish days before Nicholl letters go out.

The Music in My Mind

For as long as I can remember, my two passions have been music and writing. I'm an absent minded singer. The music plays in my mind and I don't always know how it will manifest itself. A song? A story? Flowers down the sidewalk? A painting on the wall? Or this.

RIP Mystery Man on Film

I'm hoping this a very poor joke or Mystery Man is retiring and thus killing off his pseudonym to sun on a beach and drink out of little cups with tiny umbrellas. But what I'm hearing is that Mystery Man on Film has died.

I "met"-ish Mystery Man on his first blog and spoke to him many times via email, this blog, and Triggerstreet. He was quick to encourage and even compliment but didn't hesitate to point out flaws and room for improvement. Mystery Man was intuitive. Learned a lot from him.

Here is a comment about Mystery Man's passing where Scott Myers also posts a conversation he had with Mystery Man eight months ago. His present blog is flashy and impressive and he's become a regular writer for Script Magazine. And, of course, he's on Twitter and he's here and he's -- well, he's just about everywhere screenwriters go for advice, reviews, and analysis.

Or, he was. I hope this is a mistake and I'll be taking this post down. Meanwhile, I'll end this sad news with Mystery Man's closing remarks in the latest issue of Script magazine.

I know writers love to know the "rules" and "formulas" and "principles" of writing, but truthfully, there are no great truths about writing. A great writer knows the pitfalls and takes a concept and creatively considers the most compelling way to tell that story - structure be damned.

Speaking of the Nicholl Felllowship

Actually, I haven't spoken of it in a very long time but the Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting reader comments on their facebook page make sure I don't forget the coveted screenwriting fellowship. Even though this pic must be from last year since only electronic submissions were accepted in 2010, it demonstrates clearly in the show/don't tell spirit of screenwriting how much work is involved in the administration, reading, and selection process. Only 60-ish days until we get our letters. How time flies when you're nurturing delusions that every positive remark pertains to your script.

Thus Sayeth the Writers

I've ranted about this before (here and here). So, I'll be brief. Sort of. But, as long as writers in my realm of influence insist that something couldn't or wouldn't happen in somebody else's story universe, I'll keep making this point: it can happen if the writer says it can happen.

Period.

I stopped watching Lost after Season One so I wasn't invested in the finale. But one comment I saw about the wrap-up said that the island could not possibly have been purgatory since people do not meet and fall in love in purgatory.

Interesting. But, not so.

Maybe in purgatory, as you see it, people do not meet and fall in love. But this isn't your purgatory or my purgatory or God's purgatory. If it's purgatory at all, then it's Lost's purgatory. Your opinion doesn't count. Nor, does mine. It is what the writers declare it to be.

Writers are the gods of their own universes and if, for example, a story reality establishes that all birds are flightless, then they are. If writers decide to leave the question open to interpretation, then birds may be flightless and they may not be, depending on individual perspective. The Lost finale may be open to interpretation. I really don't know.

What I do know, however, is that finales disappoint. They must. There's no way to please everyone. But there's a difference between failing to suspend disbelief enough to make something work and something not working because it's not possible.

We're writers. All things are possible.

Viewpoint of a Fish

When Sunset Boulevard was made, they didn't have the same options filmmakers have today so to get this underwater shot, cameras filmed from above looking down into a mirror. The shot is just distorted enough to give it the necessary creep factor that was lost when Billy Wilder ditched the original opening: Joe Gillis, dead on a slab in a morgue, talking to other corpses. It looked like the toe tags were talking to each other and test audiences laughed. Introducing Plan B.

Image in the Mirror

While it might be a little cliche for a person to study himself in the mirror, this image from Master and Commander feels unique and fresh to me because it's in a rain barrel and we're watching upside down as the lieutenant looks at himself, trying to decide if he really is a Jonah dooming his ship. I tried, but failed to capture the very moment he puts his hand in the water to wash his face and it mutilates his image; a parallel of how this lieutenant orchestrates his own demise. It's a beautiful thing on film but in a still, it's just a hand in water.

The Image of Acceptance

Of all the quirky fun images in Little Miss Sunshine, this simple shot of isolation is my favorite scene. Dwayne and Frank beat a hasty retreat from the pageant but, in the process, accept their demons even if they don't make peace with them. Why are all the best shots so short? This one lasts about four seconds. For me, though, it speaks volumes and reminds me that sometimes an image can say more than pages of script.

"For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Cue the Whimsy

I'm not sure what enchants me more; the scene in Coraline where stop gap animated characters perform nearly nude or the trapeze sequence that follows. Any place I pause the film, I'm struck by the complexity of setting up the shot.

Another Fav Film Shot

It's a march to the scaffold, yes, but this shot from What's Eating Gilbert Grape also reveals so much about the story. There's the adult who's been a child and the child who has been the adult, the piano used as a toy box and the art on the wall revealing there is yet another adult child in the house, the dust on the floor, the neglect on the walls, the light fixture that probably once illuminated a beautiful home. It just makes this shot so poignant for me. It's a beautiful thing that speaks volumes. And it lasts only a couple of seconds.

Favorite Movie Shots

This one scene in Public Enemies gives me chills. The music, the color, the framing, the coats blowing in the breeze, the not so speedy get-away because the police don't have cars fast enough to catch them anyway. I love this scene. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing! And it only lasts THREE SECONDS.

Assumptions without Grounds

Got an email the other day from somebody who decided that since I have not been blogging, I must not be writing anymore. One variable to draw a conclusion? Not good in life, math, or even video games.

It's funny how people read a blog and think they know the author. I liken it to a person who reads a book or watches a film and decides the voice behind the pen or the camera is a soul mate. That's stalker mentality.

A blog may give clues to a person's insight but, if I am indeed a writer, I could be a 90 year old man in a nursing home or a 25 year old girl finishing college. On a blog, the choice is mine.

One way or another, this Mary Anita Batchellor character is my creation. Either figuratively or literally, I am responsible for who she is and what she becomes. While "Mary A Batchellor" may sound like no brainer relationship advice, it also happens to be my name and I am still responsible for what kind of character she is. And, except for a handful of people who read this blog, you don't know me. I am a writer so you know only what I want you to know.

All of this leads up to the question about writing. Of course, I'm writing. I'm still breathing, aren't I? Got my Nicholl application in but haven't had a lot of time to blog. I've been busy traveling in time and space as I alternate between my story worlds and my real one.

Ran across this today. Exhibit A. Thank you, Craig.

Best Pre-Battle Speech Ever

I could talk about the motivational techniques, rhythm of the scene, character exposition and reverse psychology going on here but it just doesn't matter. Great scene. Period.