Sunday, July 08, 2007

What to Wear to the Oscars

For the woman that wants to look sexy AND professional while escaping from a sinkhole in the middle of a flooded Main Street. But things are drying up around here. Mowed the half of my grass today that isn't still under water so maybe I'll just save these little darlings for the premier of that Aquawoman film I now have to write.

Speaking of Oscar contenders, is it too soon to start counting down the arrival of Nicholl letters? Twenty two days. Wait. Was that a yes? Never mind. Can't you just picture Greg Beal and all those deputy Beals scrambling to rank screenplays while waiting for those last minute readers to turn in their scores? Poor guy.

B-A-T-C-H-E-L-L-O-R. Mail that letter first, Greg. For pity's sake. If you have any kind of heart at all, mail that one first. Or, you know, text my cell about how my screenplay changed your life and that it was a contemplative kind of greatness that made you call your mother and get a tribal tattoo and that as soon as this little competition thingie is over you'll be off to junket around the globe digging sanitary sewer systems in underprivileged countries -- in which case, you may actually want a pair of these. Black would look best with business casual but I'd go with orange if you're a Bermuda shorts kind of guy.


Grubber said...

Premiere? Hell no, they have to be in the story, product placement etc. The Devil Wears Prada Porpise Pumps. I can see it now.

Please get started, wouldn't mind watching Aquawoman this summer. Just squeeze it in between accepting the Nicholls Fellowship and/or beating up Beal.


amy said...

Yeah, but what color would you choose?

I don't know you personally, but now I get a kind of nervous feeling in my stomach whenever you mention waiting for that pesky Nicholl letter.

I'd cross my fingers for you if I actually believed that that would help.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

I don't really believe in luck either, Amy, but sympathy pain? THAT I believe in. Thanks for bearing some of my burden. Oh, and purple.

Dave, already started shooting it in my back yard. Who needs a script?

Grubber said...

I like your style! Do the whole Aquawoman meets Russell Crowe's Master and Commander, but she's French so she bedazzles him causing him emotional pain over sleeping with her whilst his pregnant wife waits at home picking lice out of the children.

She then tricks him by swimming with the sharks, maybe jumping one or two, takes over his ship, then England flash forward to 2007 where England is a province of France, potatoes are cooked in more than one way, Jamie Oliver says Merdi rather than bollocks.

Looking forward to it!
PS still hope you and fam are okay.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

I see you've read all the Patrick O'Brian books! Good on ya, mate!

Anonymous said...

since I have a certain afinity for women's heels I simply adore this

Dante Kleinberg said...

As a nerd, I feel obligated to tell you there is no Aquawoman.

However, there is an Aquagirl (Aqualad's girlfriend, lame), a Dolphin (similar powers to Aquaman but without the talking to fish), a Namorita (the girl version of Namor the Sub-Mariner, and a mutant clone of her own mother), and Marrina (actually an alien shapeshifter who just acts like a merwoman -- faker!)

Good luck turning lead into gold

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Of course there is an Aquawoman -- just as soon as I write it. If we're gonna make this relationship work, Dante, you've got to keep up.

Grubber said...

Dante, prequel!!! It worked for Georgie Boy.

If you have an Aquagirl, there needed to be an Aquawoman, Maryan is simply ahead of everyone else.

I wonder who the father was? Submariner? Patrick whosy off Man from Atlantis? David Hassellhoff on a bender?

Anonymous said...

Might I ask: How/where did you get August 1st as the Nicholl Notification Letter date? Is this speculation or reality?

Eager Entrant

MaryAn Batchellor said...

The official website says "All entrants will receive notification of their status by mail sent no later than August 1 of each year. Quarterfinalist letters are mailed by August 1; fellowship recipients are announced in late October." So, okay, that doesn't mean you'll RECEIVE it August 1 but if you don't have it by then, you ought to be checking your mailbox.