The End is Here

Prepare yourself, people. The tips of my fingers may burn right off as I type these words -- I just wasn't that inspired by At World's End.

Among many flickers of brilliance are Jack Sparrow's preoccupation with size and a cameo by his mum. But for all Jack's prancing and Barbossa's nostril flaring, the film lacks the charm and tempo and adrenaline that I've come to expect.

The cinematography can't compare to the artistic mastery of the second film and many portions actually feel like rough cuts. I'm guessing that editors fell victim to a cruel and merciless taskmaster - the release date.

The story complexities and character nuances that compelled me to watch the first two Pirates of the Caribbean films over and over seem to be missing from this one and with all the side changing and betrayal going on, I frequently felt like I was watching a Homer's Odyssey version of Deal or No Deal.

I was predisposed to love At World's End but basically, my heart didn't flutter. I think I even heard it snore a time or two and for such disloyalty to my favorite writers, I should cut the treacherous thing out and lock it into a chest.

But I was warned. The foreshadowing was there.

Early in the film, we actually cross through hell frozen over.

Maybe I'd better watch the movie again just to be sure . . .

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Everyone seems to be discussing the story in Variety in which Michael Fleming announces a new writer’s co-op formed by John Wells and several other writers. By everyone, I mean pretty much every professional screenwriter's blog I read. So, if you're as confused as I am about how this works and potentially affects us nobodies - er, I mean aspiring screenwriters - then John August and Craig Mazin are good places to start getting the pro perspective. Or, just Google "John Wells" and "writer co-op" and take your chances.

Meanwhile, in other news ---

Anticipating Pirates IV

Conjecture. Conjecture. Conjecture.

There's talk. Really. Talk about more Jack Sparrow chronicles. The anticipation of Pirates of the Caribbean fans is spilling out all over the internet. But anticipation seems so pointless and potentially disappointing in this case. I've always been somewhat disturbed that the word "anticipation" rhymes with so many other potentially unpleasant "ation"s like "cremation", "dehydration", "masturbation" and "infestation". Ew.

Perhaps I've read way too much Dr. Seuss this week.

Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio have warned us time and again to question the validity of any articles that claim a fourth installment of Pirates of the Caribbean is on the way, but we don't want to! We relish the anticipation of a fourth Jack Sparrow film and now, there seems to be an announcement that gives a good appearance of credibility to that rumor.

So far, T&T have said nothing about the Happy Feet trailer.

Still awaiting At Worlds End, I can't even imagine where another sequel could go. We're at the finale of the pirate era and have been promised a spectacular conclusion. No doubt, Ted and Terry could master the daunting task of a sequel, but yikes. A prequel, however, about Jack Sparrow's earlier rum soaked exploits and the backstory of the Pearl is not only provocative and plausible, but perpetual in possibilities. (ah, alliteration - Jack is, after all, branded with "P")

Yup. Prequel is the way to go, methinks, because these limitless possibilities contribute to the insatiable frenzy of POTC fans while promoting Jack-o-holism.

Not just any ol' prequel for the sake of slaking the lust of Jack-o-holics will due either because anything less than a brilliantly constructed film with impossible choices, complex characters, and solid storytelling would careen.

Actually, instead of going bigger, I'd develop the prequel smaller so it could build up to Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man's Chest, and At Worlds End, not outshine, out-blow, or out-animate them.

Just how far back could we go with Jack and what led up to the mutiny that lost him the Pearl, the raising of the Pearl from the depths, and whatever juicy tale lies behind Tia Dalma's sultry reception of Captain Jack in her cozy little witch doctor's office?

And, just how much skinny do we want on Will's backstory? Do we want to get the goods on the merchant ship that blew Will into Elizabeth's life? How his mother died? Was she unjustly hung as a pirate? Murdered by Barbossa as he searched for the last cursed coin? Or did Bootstrap Bill make an impossible choice that spared Will, but cost the life of his beloved?

And what about Elizabeth? How does she know so much pirate lore? Maybe her mother was that fierce hell cat, Anne Bonney, who was said to have told her own beloved Jack Rackham, as he awaited execution, that if he had only fought like a man, he wouldn't be hanged like a dog. Governor Swann does, after all, respond to Elizabeth's fascination with pirates by saying "that's what concerns me".

Do we even want backstory on anyone except Jack Sparrow?

The possibilities are intoxicating.

I vote for prequel.

Somebody hand me a pen.

At Genres End

Ah yes, the end of the era of scurvy and scallawags is upon us. Shame too. I've become quite the saucy wench, cowardly swab, or salty dog. Maybe all three. The point is that At World's End is due out Memorial weekend next year and I can hardly wait. But after waiting three years for the second film, five months will surely pass like a leeward breeze.

At Worlds End will not only be the conclusion of the Sparrow chronicles, but the film title says it all. It's the end of an era. The first films tell us that the Black Pearl is the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean and Jack Sparrow is a dying breed. Thrilling, yet sad, because after these titanic films, it seems unlikely that anyone will ever make another film adventure on the high seas, at least not in my lifetime, and the spec piles are probably flooded with badly written and soon to be extinct pirate lore.

For me, dramas seem to be a good fit, but I, too, have a nifty little adventure to rewrite. I've put it off for three years because , well, I can hear the pitchfest now ---

What's your screenplay about, Miss Batchellor?

Oh, it's a marvelous tale about the extinction of the Arawaks in the Caribbean, ships, pirates, 18th Century medicine, a 2,000 year old sea hag, and the fountain of youth.

Ships and pirates, you say? NEXT!

Yeah, think we'll just let that dog lie lest they hang me from a yardarm or make me do a hempen jig. At least I never wrote anything about hobbits.

Orphaned Ideas

Even if you've read Sean Kennelly's interview with Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio in Creative Screenwriting, don't skip the online version. It's a spillover, not a duplicate, with comments on theme, character risks and the exploration, semi-development, and abandonment of more ideas than will ever fit into a screenplay.

Interviews with T&T abound right now (rightfully so) but a couple of obscure articles you may have missed are in Box Office Mojo where Ted comments on Jack Sparrow being perceived as less likeable and in Latino Review written prior to the release of POTC2, in which Terry humbly discusses the "daunting" nature of his job --

...we can’t predict box office for Pirates 2 or 3 and you have to face reality that it’s nonsensical to make these movies. It doesn’t work, it’s not fiscally responsible to go out in the Caribbean, to build sets, to have actors out there that cost a lot of money... Terry Rossio

That's another idea Terry can orphan since we now know how it turned out -- $258 million in ten days. It may not be fiscally responsible to make POTC films, but like any gamble, the pay off can be -- um, word, word, word, somebody give me a word that hasn't already been used to describe this phenomenon -- neato? Sorry, all the superfluous ones have been used.

La Vida Pirate

Say what you want -- loved it, hated it, too many thrills -- but Dead Man's Chest is wielding a cutlass at box office records and making film history.

I'm reminded of that Entertainment Weekly list that set my teeth on edge by putting POTC2 seventh in the "most anticipated films of the summer" list.

No need for me to say I told you so to EW since the $55 million opening day record is pretty much evidence that POTC2 was THE most anticipated film of the summer and the $132 million opening weekend record makes it, in my mind, one of the most highly anticipated films of all time.

Bottom line. The wallet of the viewer is louder than the voice of the critic.

Well done, Ted and Terry. Truly incredible.

Courage to Dare

Tonight, tonight, won't be just any night,
Tonight there will be no morning star.
Tonight, tonight, I'll see my love tonight.
And for us, stars will stop where they are.
Today, the minutes seem like hours,
The hours go so slowly,
And still the sky is light
Oh moon, grow bright,
And make this endless day endless night!
Tonight!

I'll be living la vida pirate at 12:01 tonight. But don't expect a review of Dead Man's chest from me -- ever -- because, like an expectant parent, I'm predisposed to love this second child as much as the first even if it looks like it was hit with an ugly stick.

If the headlong courage and bold audacity it took to take on two sequels to POTC amid the overblown expectations of passionate fans and the certain close examination of critics wasn't enough to garner my wholehearted admiration, then the mammoth magnitude of work that went into this film would be. As it is, courage is enough for me.

Oh sure, we could say the same about Lord of the Rings, Superman, Star Wars and any number of grandiose and highly anticipated sequels that required guts to write, stage, cast, direct, costume, produce, score, etc. But I wasn't emotionally invested in those films. It wasn't my kid. So if somebody says the kid is so ugly that they need to diaper both ends or is the reason some mammals bury their young, so what?

Nope, I'm not interested in reviewing, defending or picking apart Dead Man's Chest. I'm simply not objective enough. I'm a fan of few -- this is one of the few.

I'm not saying it's the thought that counts, but as I've read blogs and updates on the progress of the film, I've come to respect the extraordinary workings behind it. Stupid and naive of me? Maybe.

Funny thing about kids, though. Sometimes they bring us a handful of weeds and say, "look at the pretty flowers." Sweet. We love them. But they're still weeds.

Just look at those breathtaking photographs, people. Dead Man's Chest is offering us an armful of roses. Somehow, I don't think I'll notice if there are a few weeds.

Keith Richards to do POTC 3

Can it really be true? The on again, off again rumors have circulated for as long as I can remember. Is it for real this time? The Toronto Star says he'll film his POTC 3 role in August and even quotes Jerry Bruckheimer, Gore Verbinski, and Terry Rossio. Not too difficult to picture Keith Richards in pirate get up. Maybe he'll be using some of that trademarked Jack Sparrow eye liner and eyebrow pencils that Todd told us about. I once thought Pirates of the Caribbean M&M's were the ultimate indication that a film had reached ultimate uber mega marketing proportions, but bringing a rock music legend to the cast? Yeah, I don't know what can top that -- except maybe Papa Sparrow pirate panties to throw at the giant screen. Size 7, please.

Walking the Plank

If you are eagerly anticipating Dead Man's Chest, are a diehard fan of Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, are wondering if there's going to be a Pirates of the Caribbgean 4, or --- never mind. this is great. Just go there!

Terry Rossio's Blog

Pirate Code Over DaVinci Code

Keep to the Code or kick it to the curb?

According to Los Angeles Business from bizjournals, readers participating in an informal Los Angeles Business survey have declared that "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" will be the top grossing movie of the summer.

(cue Meg Ryan) YES! YES! YES!

Sure, we can make a survey say anything we want depending on when, where, and what demographic we poll, but remember that Entertainment Weekly poll that chapped me? No? Well, it was a list of the most anticipated movies of the summer and it stuck POTC2 at number seven below that cheesy -- well, just look!

(1) The Da Vinci Code
(2) Superman Returns
(3) Snakes on a Plane
(4) X Men, The Last Stand
(5) The Break Up
(6) Little Miss Sunshine
(7) Pirates of the Caribbean 2
(8) The Devil Wears Prada
(9) Cars
(10) Clerks 2

Okay, so it's not exactly scientific to poll only people who take the time to respond to an online questionnaire, but the point is that 39% of the somebodies somewhere think like I do -- that POTC fans will push Dead Man's Chest to the top.

My personal most anticipated list --
(1) Dead Man's Chest
(2) Snakes on a Plane
(3) Superman Returns
(4) XMen

POTC 3 Ahoy!

Terry Rossio's blog.
Incredible new post today.
Go there.
Enough said.