Monday, November 13, 2006

A Savage Breast

"Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." William Congreve

I was a wee little hunk o' junk when I first heard this line from The Mourning Bride misquoted in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. But, no matter how you butcher it, it's true. Beast, breast, chest -- music soothes them all.

While I was acting like the Tazmanian local government dust devil today, my Hans Zimmer CD, "The Wings of a Film", was playing on my computer. I had just erupted into a sleep deprived Texas tornado when the Fire Chief insisted my relentless headaches could be from high blood pressure. His opinion sounded all the more ludicrous accompanied by the theme from Driving Miss Daisy.

What a goob. What was he doing in my office anyway?

I mean, yeah, people yell at me now and then because the highway access roads were just converted to one way and nobody thanks me for the drought restrictions that prevent them from washing their cars and we just had a nail biting bond election, but I've never had high blood pressure -- not even pregnant.

By now, Thelma and Louise was playing and I was not about to be bullied into a blood pressure check over a hectic work day.

But would that guy give it a rest? Not even when I told him that I had just had a thorough exam two weeks ago with normal blood pressure, a perfect EKG and new migraine meds.

There he stood with his little stethoscope and blood pressure cuff.

Waiting.

One minute. Two. Three.

I'm fine. Go away.

Nothing.

Hello? People are looking at us.

Five minutes.

Still there.

Beat it! I have speeches to write, people to pacify, reporters to pester.

And then he slapped the cuff on my arm.

Oh, come on, Chief! Like this is necessary? In front of people, even?

I've never seen The Thin Red Line, but one of its themes was playing when that man took the steth out of his ears and gave me an ultimatum. Did I want him to call an ambulance or would I allow him to drive me himself in his shiny new Fire Chief car?

Could I play with the lights?

No.

Well, did the new car have a CD player?

It did.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

My blood pressure always go up before medical procedures, especially if the medical practitioner is towering over me with the instrument of torture in his or her hand (blood pressure cuffs admittedly being among the least of their armories of pain).

And, as a fellow Texan, feel free to keep me from having to wash my car anytime. I will not complain.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

A Texan, you say? And yet, anonymous. Not real neighborly, neighbor!

oneslackmartian said...

trying to stop laughing from "What a goob." Somehow this post elevated my own BP.

Hey, where'd the talking gal go?

Unk said...

I used to live in Orange, Texas when I was a kid. I remember being able to buy Chilidogs at Der Wienerschnitzel (I still call it that) for a dime.

The people were really nice... I had just moved there from Lake Charles, Louisiana but even Orange was still a little swampy back then.

The only problem I ever experienced were Texans and Cajuns pulling on my long hair and calling me a girl or a hippie. In the very early 70s, it seems that neither of these two states had ever seen a guy (boy?) with hair down to his shoulders.

I got in a lot of fights but I won every fight. I was always in trouble for that long hair. LOL.

What's all that got to do with your post?

Nothing. LOL.

Hope you're okay...

Unk

Milehimama said...

Ah... unk... my husband went to hs in TX and had long hair. He always told the meddling old ladies at church that the only haircut recorded in the Bible turned out pretty badly for Samson, so he wasn't taking any chances.

Hope you do better soon, and it's just acute HBP not chronic. I had chronic with my last pregnancy and had to check my bp 6 times a day and email my doc.

The plus side, is if you end up on a special diet (the DASH diet), they make a special kind of salt without sodium. Ahh, the benefits of the 21st century!

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Special diet? Naw. I just have a highly stressful job. Nobody in my family has high blood pressure and I never even had elevated pressure when I was pregnant. My blood just boils when we fail to do what taxpayers are paying us to do. Then it boils again when I get called to mop up.