What Are The Odds?

The Nicholl has tallied the entries and we now know that a whopping 467 more entries were submitted this year than last.  Now, my math is not very good but is that not a 6.93 percent increase? That's huge.

Let's do more math.

There are 7197 entries. What are the odds of advancing to the quarterfinals? Assuming the exact number of screenplays advance to the quarterfinals as last year (351) , that would give you a 4.8 percent chance of advancing out of the 7197 screenplays entered.

But wait. That 4.8 percent is not really accurate -- it can't be -- because with regard to odds, the playing field is not level. Great storytelling has better odds of floating to the top than good or average storytelling. Duh. Good writing has less of a chance than great writing and screenplays that are poorly crafted all around won't float at all. Unfortunately, neither will a lot of other screenplays. Last year 4554 screenplays sank to the bottom.

So what are the odds, really?

Well, regardless what I do with the numbers, my entry is still ONE out of 7197.

My, Nicholl, how you've grown!

Screenwriting Bucket List

The floodgates are closed. The Nicholl application deadline is now a thing of the past and I am curious how many entries there are. Since I"m sure it is a ridiculously high number in the 7000-ish range, I have long since given up any hope of winning the thing. I would, however, like to advance before I die. It's at the top of my screenwriting bucket list, a list that is rather short and contains goals that are unlikely in my real world. But in my sometimes delusional and often contrived reality, I would like to ---

• Advance in the Nicholl at least once.
• Attend a big Hollywood premier and sit in the audience.
• Watch an epic beast of a film get shot.
• Hear one of my favorite screenwriters say about my work, "what a great story".

If I reach those goals, I have a secondary list.

• See my own film get made.

If I reach THAT goal, I do have yet another list.

• Witness a great actor begging on his hands and knees to portray my character.
• Author a screenplay that gets caught up in a bidding war.
• Receive a phone call from Hans Zimmer or James Horner saying he just finished my score.

Once I'm dead, there is still one more list.

• Be remembered by my children as somebody who left a positive footprint on this earth. 

You know what? I think my last goal may actually be the only one that really matters. After all, we only have one life, one earth, and two feet. But yeah, I'm one of those 7000-ish. I don't really believe in luck but best of luck anyway to all my fellow screenwriting buddies who entered!

Nerdist Writers Panel

Have you discovered this, yet? Nerdist Writers Panel is hosted by Chris Hartwick and offers up podcasts with professional writers. Translation = they know more than us.

The most recent addition to the page is Podcast #36 recorded on March 25, 2012 with Bill Lawrence (creator, Scrubs and Cougar Town), Ken Levine (Mash, Cheers, Wings, Fraser, The Simpsons), and Richard Hatem (Grimm, Secret Circle).

You can also get tickets to attend live podcasts. July 20th is in Houston and July 21st in Dallas. Either one looks good to me!

What Your Characters Want

You're safe. No Spice Girls references ahead.

Instead of feeling like I had found a golden ticket when I ran across this gem at Script about creating characters that actors will want to play, a writing fog lifted and I realized that this was something I already knew, something I had heard before, and something that shines a harsh light on the wrinkles in my writing complexion.

I hate wrinkles.

The Script article challenges writers to know their characters beyond the adjectives we use to describe them and suggests that characteristics do not define character because characters are, themselves, an action verb. While the analogy doesn't work for me (adjectives describe nouns, not verbs), the point being made does. Characters are not a handful of descriptions.  Those are characteristics. Who characters are is demonstrated by what they want more than anything --- at that particular moment.

In this Wordplay column, Situation-Based Writing, Terry Rossio explains it this way, "Circumstances come from the world and impose onto characters from the outside, so to speak. Character wants come from inside the characters and push out at the world." He also says that once you know a character's "want", the situation exists. Be sure you read the entire column because he first discusses creating situations and how situation relates to character by being (1) immediate - somebody wants something or will be forced to want something right now and (2) imperative - somebody wants something badly.

Unknown Screenwriter once advised me to know the basic wants of each character before I ever put my fingers on the keyboard so their behavior in their circumstances will be consistent and logical, regardless of the situation. See what he did there? He, too, tied situation to character.

Our screenplays should reveal character by the characters' pursuits of what they want. In this way, there is no need to ever create a scene for the sole purpose of establishing character. Furthermore, in every single scene, somebody should want something.

So I ask you --  do you know in every scene what every character wants?

Reading through my Nicholl submission (just a few more days before the deadline), I am not only looking for typographical errors but I am also checking each scene to see if I've made it clear to the audience what my characters want. I know what my characters want but will a reader?

I hate wrinkles.

Destiny's Merry Pranks

Weirdest spring ever.

In "All About Eve", Margo Channing refers to running out of gas as one of destiny's merry pranks. She has no idea that the reason she's missing a curtain call is because her friend drained the gas tank to teach her a lesson in humility. My little town has suffered a bizarre series of misfortunes and every time I receive another blow of bad news, that line is the one I hear and Margo Channing's image, swaddled in her fur and puffing on a cigarette, is the one I see.

Yup, my little town has been the butt of many of destiny's merry little pranks.

What's that you say? Mrs. Cunningham crashed her Buick into the Piggly Wiggly and landed in the deli? One of destiny's merry pranks.

I only wish the blows had been that funny. Oh, and that we had a Piggly Wiggly since neither my Brookshires or Walmart carries fresh spinach. Plus, it's fun to say Piggly Wiggly.

Say it with me.

Piggly Wiggly.

Piggly Wiggly.

Piggly Wiggly.

Now, wasn't that fun? No? Well, you didn't say out loud, did you?

Okay, actually the first gigantic prank played on my town WAS kind of funny. A pipe broke in the ceiling at the high school and flooded the building for hours and hours and hours before it was noticed. The school sat in three feet of water and the district incurred millions of dollars in building and equipment damage. That part wasn't funny but the videos of the high school seniors on their second spring break are genius -- music videos, message videos, art projects, photo journals -- loads of fun. These kids made great use of their free time while other grades had to attend classes in the gymnasium and makeshift classrooms because it was the week of STAAR (State of Texas Assessments of Academic Readiness) tests. 

Next prank, a tornado. Not just ONE tornado but TWO. An FE3 tornado that wiped out multitudes of homes, hit the OTHER high school and took out an elementary school (I think the school district has a target on its back), and its baby brother tornado that simultaneously hit our downtown area. Seriously. Two tornadoes at the same time. One small town. Ouch.

The next pranks? Too painful to even call pranks. They were tragedies. Tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. A motorcycle accident. A four wheeler accident. A teenage suicide. People we know. People we loved. People who mattered to the community. Loss of life in the most horrible ways.

I know. Loss of life happens. Accidents happen. Crime happens. Tornadoes happen. (but in Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen) This is the world we live in. But I don't like it.

Perhaps one of the things that makes writing so attractive to writers is that we have absolute control over destiny's merry pranks. We are the creators and the manipulators of our own universes and destiny plays no merry pranks lest we author them. Fate has no power over us. Karma is our slave.

It's therapeutic, don't you think?

As for destiny's merry pranks played on my little town, I blame myself. I should never have started watching "Murder, She Wrote" on Netflex streaming video.

Around the World in Screenplays

Check out this map of Nicholl applicants that shows how many entries have been submitted from which parts of the world so far. Fascinating. Of course, it is no big surprise that California has the most screenplays sent in from any area but at the time of this post, there are six from Thailand and eleven from Ireland. How cool is that? They've come from India, Iran, France, Brazil and Argentina. Get crackin', Wyoming and Arkansas! Right now you have big fat zeros and you look like slackers!

A Thousand Words

(Photo by Brandon Fitzgerald)

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the Tuesday outbreak of tornadoes in North Texas has generated more words than stars in the heavens. These beasts (14 at last count by the National Weather Service) have been photographed and filmed more than any other tornadoes recorded thanks to accessible technology. That's good news for the geeks that study these things and for the rest us due to the resulting science that forecasts weather events (must resist "Twister" reference here). While I understand storm chasers and filmmakers taking calculated risks to get a shot of the monster, I shudder watching video of people hanging off their fences as an FE3 with 160 mph winds is coming at them and tossing tractor trailers around like tinker toys.

Two tornadoes hit my little town. A small one (if you can call a tornado small) hit our historic downtown area but the behemoth that tore across Forney, Texas landed on the north side and took out 95 homes, hit the high school, damaged an elementary school, and brushed the Walmart right next to the Chili's restaurant where everyone was standing outside taking pictures.

I'd like to spend about three paragraphs on my faith in the enduring human spirit and the compassion and decency demonstrated across the metroplex and in my little town as it rallied the moment the winds moved on to destroy the next town. but you will think you've heard it all before and just skim over it. So, I won't. Instead, I will just say that I am so thankful -- so very very thankful -- that I live where I do, tornadoes and all.

But this post is about photos and words.

It's common practice now to manipulate a photo and add a caption or post a cartoon and circulate it on a social network to show how just or unjust a cause is or criticize somebody's beliefs. One line. One caption. Not that many words. But, the image behind that punchline is designed to provoke a response - humor, anger, indignation, etc. A photo with a single word or caption is a powerful thing - funny, derogatory, thoughtful, whatever. Isn't that the same premise we use in screenwriting? We create a visual image (minus the photo or cartoon) in our screenwriting and use as few words as possible to make our funny, derogatory, or thoughtful point?

Somebody once told me to think in pictures while I'm screenwriting and then take a series of snapshots to try to tell my story without using words. As I look through the hundreds of photos of the tornado damage, I don't even need to go to YouTube and watch the videos. I have, of course, because there are images of the funnel forming, some of the debris turning the base of the tornado black, the funnel changing from a point to a cylinder, and other fascinating moving pictures that science will benefit from. Each video is gold.

But---- the still photos, like the one above, those are the images that shout at me.

As a writer, I wonder where I need to draw the line between getting a good shot and running for my life. Maybe it depends on how much you have to say and whether you think you can say it without the image. I really really don't know. I was standing in my back yard with my video camera as the beast went by.

And We Have a Winner

Not quite. But at least I do know which screenplay I shall devote the next 29 days, 8 hours, 31 minutes and 42 seconds to. You know what I mean. Yes you do. Rewriting and polishing for the Nicholl. Well, now it's 25 seconds. 23. 22. 21. You get the idea. I have one major character arrival issue and several minor cleanup things that I'm undecided about but my biggest problem is proofreading. My screenplay is littered with typos and I have blinders on. When I quit sweating the small stuff and concentrated on story, I didn't intend to forget the small stuff altogether.

Sticks and Stones

People can be nasty. I wish I could say I have not learned this first hand in dealing with friends, co-workers, other writers, neighbors, strangers, even people at my own church. It's in our natures. If you think differently from somebody else and have the backbone to express it in verbal or written form, you're opening yourself up to criticism. That's the way of the world and why writers are some of the most courageous people I know.

I am, however, Pollyanna enough to believe that professional courtesy is still king among writers and will reign at times when it matters the most but bottom line, if you're a writer, sooner or later some other writer will read you with scorn, jealousy, disdain, resentment or disgust. I just hope when it happens to me, it's not one of my idols.

The 30 Harshest Author-on-Author Insults in History

Tips for Know-It-All Screenwriters

Over at Quora.com, the question comes up "What are some common mistakes that first-time screenwriters make?" I'm not sure what a "first-time" screenwriter is or who even answered the question. I don't even know what Quora is! But the reply is concise and it fits beginners, many unproduced writers and some of us wannabes that are just plain arrogant. I'm guilty of all six of these mistakes at one time or another, the last one recently:

• The writer doesn't rewrite. Most first timers think their first draft is "good enough."
• The writer doesn't listen to notes. Most first time writers aren't willing to listen to honest criticism. They just want to be told that their script is great. This is why most professional screenwriters refuse to read first time scribes.
• The writer hopes his/her first screenplay will be a winner. It takes thousands of hours and years of hard work to learn the craft of screenwriting. Everyone's first screenplay...well, sucks. Have you heard a story of someone's first screenplay, one they dashed off in "21 days," selling for millions? Sure you have. Hollywood is full of stories
• The CHARACTERS are weak. More than any other specific flaw, first time screenplays have weak, underdeveloped, ill-motivated characters. Protagonists are passive. Antagonists are cliches. Supporting characters have no complexity. It is difficult to see what any of the characters' objectives are or why we should care about them.
• The stories lack TENSION. The first rule of screenwriting/filmmaking is "keep them in their seats." This means keeping the audience's attention, through the emotions of hope and fear, focused on what will happen in the future. Most first time screenplays get muddled and lose tension; and then the reader tosses the script aside, not caring how it will turn out in the end.
• Too much focus on "idea" and not "execution." Most first time writers think they have a "brilliant idea for a movie" and take a half-assed shot at writing the screenplay. If there is one consistent lesson to be learned on Quora, whether about startups or screenwriting, it is that "your idea means nothing." This isn't exactly true, but it's mostly true.

Nicholl Fellowship Early Deadline

When the clock strikes midnight, pages of woe and wonder will transform into billions of little numbers, "ones" and "zeros", and then convert into electric signals through LANS and modems and WiFi's and then become light -- infinite light -- which will then fly across the earth where it will morph back into electricity, back again into "ones" and "zeros", and arrive in final form as the words of woe and wonder on some reader's desk who holds YOUR dreams in his or her computer.

"Everything is theoretically impossible until it is done." Robert A. Heinlein

We can do this, people.

Decisions Decisions

Still cannot decide which screenplay to work on for the Nicholl. Must choose one. None are polished enough to submit as they are. Meanwhile, a puzzle. As old as this blog is and as long as it's been since I have written anything on it that is meaningful or useful or deeper than a puddle, Sitemeter continues to send me weekly reports of real live human beings landing here. I'm clicking on the posts and a portion of the time I think "not bad" but the rest of the time, I wondering, as I read, who that arrogant writer thinks she is. A little humility would suit me me better. Maybe after I win a Nicholl.

Rewrite Stage Fright

And it's that time of the year again again again again again. So soon? You betcha. Time to finish writing and rewriting and figure out whether we have anything worth submitting to the Don and Gee Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting Competition. Now, a few short years ago, this is what I lived for but I am becoming what horse folk call "long in the tooth" and my word slinger aptitude may be eroding faster than my vision. But, how would I know? There is no annual exam for creativity and screenwriting skills.

Come to think of it, even if there WAS an exam, I would have passed it in my youth and nobody would make me take it again, would they? WOULD they? I mean, they don't make senior adults retake driver tests.

Nope.

Not even if they're 95 years old and can't read the street signs.

Or reach the steering wheel.

While sitting on 1979 phone books.

I think we have our answer.

A Stupid Way to Fix Your Plot

Ever tire of watching the damsel in distress trip over her own feet while she's running from a guy with a machete? Well that's the first thing that came to mind when I saw Bill Martell's screenwriting tip today and it's the scene in my head every time I read a screenplay that relies on the stupidity of the good guy to set up a story or the stupidity of the bad guy to bring down the story. And happy coincidence? Rarely leaves me warm and fuzzy. Read "Dumbest Guy in the Room" today on Bill's Script Secrets site. If not, then at least read this quote:

If you have to make your protagonist or antagonist do something stupid to make your plot work, you're better off fixing your plot. Bill Martell

I Theme, You Theme, We All Theme

Watching the Golden Globes last night I realized that even though I saw a lot of films in 2011, I have plenty more to see before Oscar nominations are announced January 24th. Oh sure, I can catch up before February 26th when those naked golden men are handed out but it looks like I have missed out on another kind of golden award --- an opportunity that I didn't think about until I realized just how many films I saw in 2011.

I was looking over my own screenplay yesterday and feeling rather smug about my theme and I got to thinking about what the themes have been of films I've seen this year. Some were memorable because they were either that well done or were my favorite films. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, for example, had a clear theme of redemption and atonement and even though critics didn't rave about this movie, it was my favorite of all the POTC films for one reason: the theme.

I really wish I had taken the time to think about and write down my personal take on the theme of each film I saw in 2011 while it was fresh in my viewing memory. Why? To ask my self, "what was the writer trying to say? Did he get to say it? Did it get lost in production?"

I'm not suggesting that theme should be in your face or that as screenwriters, we should consider every film a homework exercise but since theme is something I've been focusing on as a writer, it sure does seem like a no-brainer that I would have been paying more attention to it as a viewer. Sometimes, I just don't want to be a writer when I'm sitting with popcorn in my lap.

So, here's my proposal. I'm going through my list and trying to figure out the themes of the following films and your thoughts are welcome, solicited, and appreciated. (I did not include any 2011 films that I've seen in 2012 and yes Joyful Noise was seen in 2011, not 2012, because I was in the test audience.)

Oh, and before you start, I should warn you. When my brother was looking for a job, he moved in with me for the better part of 2011 and we had "bad movie days" where we purposely went and saw movies that we knew were terrible. Why? Same reason you slow down when you pass a car accident. (that explains "Drive Angry") And sometimes I take my nieces and nephews to kids' movies... and sometimes I go without them.

Okay, so you're giving me your input on theme. Ready? Go!

Arthur

Battle: Los Angeles

Captain America

Cars 2

Cowboys and Aliens

Crazy, Stupid, Love

Drive Angry

Gnomeo & Juliet

Green Lantern

I Am Number Four

J. Edgar

Joyful Noise

Just Go With It

Limitless

Midnight In Paris

No Strings Attached

Rango

The Big Year

The Green Hornet

The Help

The King’s Speech

The Rum Diary

Thor

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Mister Popper’s Penguins

MoneyBall

Our Idiot Brother

Paul

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Rio

Season of the Witch

Super 8

There Be Dragons

Unknown

Xmen: First Class

Zookeeper

Challenge Accepted

Nope. I don't blog much anymore. I've fallen prey to the ease of social networks, my small in-home business, and writing schedule. Alas, nothing lasts forever. Or, it does but evolves?

Anyway...

Brett threw down a brass fastener or whatever it is screenwriters throw down to challenge one another (it's certainly not a gauntlet or a glove) and dared us to post the first ten verbs from our current projects. This is designed to give us a spark, kindle, or whatever kind of slap upside the keyboard we need to prevent apathy in our verb writing so here goes:

REFLECT

BARNGATES

SPOTS

SCRAMBLE

CUTS

ROCKETS

BUST

SAYS

EXPOSE

SLOSHES

Ouch. Work to be done. Next!

Thou Art Worthy

A project worthy of your extra $5.00 should you have any money left after you pay your bills, put gas in your car, tithe at church and retrieve your wallet from the kids who are pillaging it for summer swimming and movie money, Prodigy is a short film about a little girl's soaring imagination and how an honest love of music affects us, regardless of our individual talents.

The prospect of this film touches me in a very real and personal way. Music heals the soul and moves people like nothing else. When I was growing up, writing was my escape and my salvation but music was my counselor and best friend. Scary thought but I can tell you that in the depths of my childhood despair, it was music that brought me joy and the prospect of a bright future.

Hans Zimmer refers to music as the wings of a film. Try to imagine Star Wars without John Williams. Imagine Titanic without James Horner. Imagine Pirates of the Caribbean without Hans Zimmer. (Speaking of POTC, if you've not heard the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides soundtrack featuring Rodrigo y Gabriela, do it now! Track 4, The Pirate that Should Not Be, has heart racing Spanish guitar that brought tears to my eyes.)

I am, at present, playing the flute in an orchestra WAY ABOVE my skill level. I joined late with a borrowed instrument because mine is loaned out to my aunt so she can teach private lessons. I have two other flutes but they're not in any shape for stage. My music was incomplete and not entirely transposed into the correct key. I'd only had it a few days when I attended my ONE rehearsal that covered only the second act. Everyone in the room flew through the music like they'd been playing it their whole lives while I .. well, I was like a lost lamb in the rapid fire of key signature and time changes. It was pitiful.

And I loved EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE!

We rehearse with the cast on Thursday. I am not qualified to be part of this production so I must work ten times harder than anyone else to be one tenth as good. Regardless of my talent or lack of talent, it is a glorious experience!

Music, my friends, expresses the inexpressible. I hope Lisa Ford gets all her funding for Prodigy. Judy Hyman, an Emmy award-winning violinist, is composing the score. I'm confident these two ladies can illustrate what music does for the soul much better than I can. It's not about talent.

I'm the proof.

The Incredible Disappearing Theme

One of my all time favorite lines comes from Sunset Boulevard. Betty Schaefer tells Joe Gillis that his screenplay is no good and explains that she believes pictures should say a little something. I, too, believe films should say a little something. Why else do we write? Because we have something to say.

Choose a film. Gone with the Wind. What does it say? A Beautiful Mind. What does it say? Ever see a film that doesn't say anything at all? Or maybe it said something but it was so vague or heavy handed or buried in explosions and car chases that you didn't hear what it was saying? Was that film any good? Yes? No? Maybe? Sort of?

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT pitching heavy handed message films. Recently I saw a comedy that was so beaten up by the message that it ruined what could have been a delightful film. Instead it was a mean spirited dismal mess. At one point in the film, my brother and I looked at each other and both asked the exact same question at the exact same time about the hero's journey. Not good.

On the other side of the coin, I took my son to a different film (which either lacked theme or I missed it) and as we left the theater, my 17 year old's comment was "well, that was pointless".

Often, when asked what a story is about, a writer will immediately mention the theme. That's because usually we writers are so anxious to get our points (message) across. Let's use It's A Wonderful Life as an example. Suppose I'm pitching it and I'm asked what it's about. I might say it's about how a man's humble life makes a gigantic difference to a great many people even though he believes his life was wasted . Pffft. Noooooo. That's the "say a little something" Betty Schaefer was talking about. That's not the story. The producer doesn't want to know what I have to say. He wants to know how I'm going to say it. A man thinking about suicide meets an angel and gets to see what the world would be like if he never existed. That's the story. Through that story I get to say that every life, no matter how seemingly thankless and without glory, has a butterfly effect on the world. That's the "say a little something".

Writers write theme. Writers teach theme. Writers study theme. Writers explore theme. Writers talk about theme. Writers overlap and combine themes. Some writers even confuse theme with tone when discussing theme but hey, I split infinitives now and then. Nobody's perfect. The point is that writers love theme! I know they write it. I know they do.

Yes, films need more than story and theme but I'm not on characters, timing, structure and all that other stuff today. I have a soap box to get on and there's a huge bottle of whine to go with my cheese sandwich. A big fat bone needs picking and I intend to pick it right here and right now.

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Okay. All done.

Any Man That Falls Behind

How well do you remember the pirate code from the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, Curse of the Black Pearl? Well, maybe I remember it a little too well.

Went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides yesterday with my brother and son even though it doesn't officially release until the 20th. Facebook held a free fan premier and after listening to the soundtrack, I jumped at the chance to take a familiar ride that I hoped was as fresh and new as the music. I was not disappointed.

Being searched at the door for cameras was unexpected but the moment they finished poking through my handbag and running a wand up my legs, I ditched my brother and son and made a mad run for my favorite seats. You know the ones. Right there behind the wheelchair spaces where you can prop your feet up on the rails? Well, I got 'em! Three seats. Right there. You betcha. I didn't wait in line three hours to crane my neck beside the exit sign. But did my men folk appreciate my considerate dash?

NO!

My son seemed offended and demanded an accounting of what I would have done had he texted me that he'd been detained at the door for having a knife in his pocket. What nerve. I assured him I had a plan. I took out my phone and sent him this sweet little message.

"See you in 141 minutes, son. Love ya."

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Remember those old public service announcements? It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your children are? Well, there's a phrase we use in screenwriting about not wanting to kill our babies which basically refers to our inability to let loose of an idea once we have committed it to paper. But therein lies the beauty of losing your final draft. You also lose all your babies and don't have to consciously kill the ones that don't work. They just die on their own.

When I switched computers and somehow deleted my final drafts and put a final draft date on a preliminary noodling-around-in-my-head outline of last year's Nicholl entry (color me stupid), I didn't kill my babies. I simply lost them all. That wasn't such a bad thing when I sat down to start over. I remembered every idea and, of course, I had all my note cards. But there was great freedom in not already being committed to any one course of action anymore. There was no chain reaction if I removed or revised something.

I've always know that's what a rewrite is supposed to be but have I ever really done it? I mean REALLY put it into practice and made the tough decisions? Probably not. This time, I had no choice.

I'm not going to pretend that this amended version of my screenplay is as good as the one I worked on for two years. Of course it's not. Or, at least it's not as good as my memory of the final draft since I don't actually have a final draft of it anywhere. But I do believe in some respects, the revision is a little better because I was absolved from killing my babies. They were already gone. The decision was already made for me so I could move on.

The cold reality here is that this version is not as polished as my other and doesn't read like a final draft to me. But I've learned much about me as a writer and as a storyteller and most importantly? The earth didn't fly off its axis when I sent out something I would normally be utterly humiliated to admit came from my pen. Instead, I'm confessing it on the world wide web in the hope that my fellow writers will learn what I did. Sometimes, teachable moments come disguised as ... oh, who am I kidding? I am never, ever doing that again!